The best teams are “aligned” - but not in the way you might think

For about the first two years of your life, you didn’t really know how to be dishonest.  You didn’t know how to sugar-coat a message.  You were terrible at managing your image.  You lived in a state of total emotional honesty and you were “aligned” in your behavior. In other words, the way you felt was the way you behaved.

Now, as an adult, that idea might sound immature and “unprofessional.”  Around the time we turn two years old, we start developing an ego (internalized ideas about who we are) and a set of coping strategies for how to navigate human relationships, get what we want or need, and try to avoid what we don’t want.  No longer do our hearts and bodies automatically inform our behavior.  Our thoughts start to take the driver’s wheel, and we no longer just live the present moment; often we navigate it instead.  

And in many key ways, it works.  It helps us get through childhood and adolescence, and likely even parts of our career.  But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.  Physically, our bodies are much better off when we let ourselves feel and express our emotions and honest thoughts.  When we repress or pretend, we’re working against our body’s natural mechanisms and we create tension and even injury (as my previous chiropractors and physical therapists can attest).  

But it’s not healthy for the teams we work on either.  

The research now shows conclusively the highest functioning teams perform in “alignment”:  their behavior is a direct reflection of their honest feelings and thoughts.  But most teams do the opposite.  According to Dr. Ron Friedman, the vast majority of teams spend tremendous cognitive resources just navigating the unspoken dynamics of their environment.  They don’t just express a thought or feeling, they create 20 new thoughts about HOW to do it (without upsetting the powers that be), WHETHER they can do it (and not face penalty), or WHEN they can do it (meeting after the meeting?).  Those 20 new thoughts could have gone into making their actual work better.  And that’s precisely why the #1 thing high functioning teams have in common is the safety to be honest with each other.

When we work with a team in an intensive, we’re doing the work of a chiropractor – but instead of a spine we’re working on the culture of a team.  We’re helping them get aligned.  We’re helping them build the safety and awareness to start being truly honest with each other.  That might sound like a scary process, and it can be intense, but usually it’s deeply humanizing and connecting for the teams that go through it.  Because our bodies and hearts really WANT to be honest.  We want to be aligned - and to reduce the pain from all that performing.  We just need help - and permission - to get there.