“What’s mentionable is manageable.”
I grew up watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. And after a 35 year hiatus, I started watching again with my daughter. I’m glad I did. I’m occasionally blown away by the wisdom Fred Rogers offers about navigating life and leadership.
“What’s mentionable is manageable,” was a reminder that Fred loved to give to children and adults who were having a hard time sharing something that felt honest but scary to say out loud. He assured them that, while it might feel scary, just the act of saying something out loud immediately turns it into something that we can deal with. That we can handle. And that keeping it buried - because of fear or shame - is what makes it feel toxic and unmanageable.
Working with leaders on how to build psychological safety – the degree to which people on their teams can be honest – I’ve grown even more appreciation for the profound wisdom wrapped up in these four words.
What’s mentionable is manageable.
I think most leaders assume their job is primarily “managing.” But the first and most important job of the leader is to “mention.” Creating psychological safety depends on it. Because a psychologically safe environment is one in which damn near everything is mentionable.
“You obviously put so much effort into this and it’s making me scared to say that I think it still needs a lot of work.”
“It feels a little tense since we started talking about this topic and I’m not sure why.”
“Are you frustrated with me? That’s what it feels like.”
“Everyone seems so excited about this plan, but it feels like more than we can handle right now.”
As simple and powerful as those “mentions” can be, I find that many leaders don’t speak up because they aren’t sure what to “do” after they say it out loud. But knowing what to do is NOT a prerequisite for being honest. In fact, the most effective leaders at creating safety DON’T pivot right away to doing something about it. Because when we move to correct (“that’s not solutions oriented”) or fix (“this feels tense, so let’s move on and we can talk after the meeting”), we’re unintentionally shutting down the space for open and honest discourse, and we make it less likely that people will speak up.
But when we start saying the scary things out loud and it’s clear that we aren’t about to pivot to some kind of action or conclusion, we build the space for other people to start sharing too. And oftentimes, as honest dialogue opens up, other people start stepping up or taking ownership. Sometimes, it turns out that what the leader “mentioned” wasn’t even theirs to “manage” - it really belonged to someone else.
Leading this way takes real emotional courage. It doesn’t matter if you’re a four year old feeling scared about why the adults are fighting, or a forty year old experiencing tension with someone on their team. It’s often scary to say out loud what we’re experiencing. But the moment we do, our feelings no longer feel like the boogeyman that needs to be locked away.
