Strain is a sign that something is wrong
The whole idea of a “flow state” is that when we’re performing at peak levels we have accessed a state of effortless action. At a technical level, our bodies are operating in a zone where action and awareness have merged – and we’re moving in harmony with our environment. In a more spiritual sense, we’re harnessing an energy that goes beyond us in some way; “flowing” with the universe instead of straining to force our own path despite whatever headwinds or currents are working against us.
We know what it feels like to be in that state of flow – an incredibly productive yet almost effortless state of being. But we also know what it feels like to be in that state of strain – when we’re giving tremendous energy but getting almost nowhere because we’re swimming against the current. Here are some of the most common ways I’ve experienced this play out:
Trying to “sell” a decision. If you’re explaining a decision to your team, you should be able to give the most straightforward, honest, and vulnerable explanation about why you made that decision. If that doesn’t land with people – if some kind of manufactured “buy-in” is needed beyond that – then it’s a sign that you’re forcing something. This is an opportunity to slow down and ask yourself: is a decision that needs to be packaged or “sold” rather than explained really one that you want to make?
Working too hard to win over someone. If you’re working so hard to win favor and/or avoid rejection – managing your words carefully or strategizing on how to win trust or admiration – is that truly someone that you want to be “winning over” or getting closer to? Are you just fighting the universe’s attempt to insert distance with that person or even guide them away from you? The people that we want to spend our limited time on earth with – whether it’s personal or professional – shouldn’t require a lot of effort to gain their acceptance. And releasing the need for approval might move you closer to a flow state - even with the people you struggle with.
Heavy-handed accountability. Accountability – the systematic attention paid to follow-through and results – is healthy for any team. But sometimes we confuse “accountability” with “coercion.” For example, a leader implements some new system or policy and even after a transition period, a lot of people aren’t doing the new system / policy. The leader could continue following-up and start escalating to written warnings for all transgressors, but that starts to beg the question: if it takes this much effort to push this through, was this really the best new policy or decision? Even asking the questions, “why are people so resistant to this?” or “what is the policy that has built-in motivation or energy that I can leverage?” might move the leader (and the team) closer to a flow state.
Your most effective leadership should feel natural and even (in a sense) easy. It might be scary. Being honest and vulnerable is scary. Making big changes or decisions is scary. But those things require courage, not exorbitant effort. Sometimes it’s important to remember that when we’re at our best, we’re in flow. And when we’re in flow, we’re not straining.
