A Love Letter
This is a love letter to all the leaders we’ve supported (and the ones we haven’t) who are stepping out into this (often scary) world every day, taking care of others, and still trying to do their own inner-work.
If you are one of those leaders, let’s face it: the deck is stacked against you. And yet, so much of our effectiveness as leaders comes down to our inner-work.
Transformative leadership requires incredible presence and self-management. We have to be emotionally attuned with others if we want to know what’s really happening on our teams. We have to be attuned with ourselves if we’re going to be authentic. But we have to be attuned with ourselves without making it about ourselves. In other words, we have to be aware of our own ego - and actively keep it out of the driver’s seat. In Good to Great, this is what Jim Collins called “Level 5 Leadership” – the kind of extreme humility that transformational leaders have in common.
But I’d argue that achieving that kind of humility is a spiritual journey, and almost every spiritual tradition has its own term to describe it, long before Jim Collins came along. In Sufi Islam the concept of “Fana” describes the death of the individual ego and self-will in order to become an instrument of divine will. My grandfather, on the other hand, might have used the word “Anavah.” This is the Hebrew word for the most profound kind of humility - the kind that allows us to take up our “god-given space” in the world without ever making it about our own ambition. And in Buddhism, “Anatta” is a foundational doctrine that goes even further, questioning the very idea of a permanent, unchanging “self” for us to cling onto, defend, or promote.
There is a common journey being described here: to be less guided by the personal ambitions and anxieties voiced by our ego, so that we can listen to – and be guided by – parts of us that transcend the ego. Whether we’re following our hearts, tuned into the inner-wisdom of a gut instinct, or even dialed into a higher power, we feel the difference when we’re being guided by something other than our ego. We feel a greater sense of purpose, peace, and undoubtedly, become profoundly more effective as leaders.
But achieving this kind of presence and humility requires incredible inner-work. And there’s a reason monks live in monasteries.
Shedding our egoic attachments and learning how to be deeply present requires lots of stillness and space so that we can actually deal with our interior world. Monks spend much of their day in silence. They usually live in a simple yet serene environment that helps them connect to what is deep and simple, and avoid the distractions of modern life. Ego is activated by fear, but when life is stripped down to its most basic needs, and those needs are taken care of, there is not much left to fear.
Not exactly the conditions of most leaders in today’s world. As leaders, we have to avoid making it about us while often many people (perhaps our manager included) are suggesting or saying that it IS about us. We’re conditioned to believe that the “buck stops here,” which loosely translates into, “everything that happens - good or bad - is because of you, the leader.” This is a loud invitation for the ego.
Even if we reject that invitation, getting deeply present and attuned requires stillness. But technology has created unprecedented levels of intrusion and distraction. Most leaders are bombarded with notifications, emails, slack messages, and texts – pinging and vibrating with a frequency that our nervous systems are not remotely built to handle.
And then there’s the fear. Ego thrives on fear, and most leaders today are surrounded by fear: their own and others. Funding. Staffing. Recession. ICE. AI. War. To be connected to the outside, modern world is like having an IV drip of anxiety.
So being a transformative leader requires deep, inner work in conditions that are often the opposite of conducive. What does this mean for leaders who are trying to do it anyways?
Be kind to yourself. Ego is going to rear its head constantly. You’re going to revert sometimes to self-protection or promotion. You’re going to catch yourself being petty, defensive, or inauthentic. This work is hard. You are human. And you deserve self-compassion.
You’re going to have to build your own piece of “monastery.” There’s no way to get distance from our ego without slowing down, breathing, touching your own inner world, and connecting to nature or a higher-power. And in all likelihood, no one is going to create that space for you. Nor is society going to nudge you in that direction. But if you want to be a leader that can impact on a totally different level, you will need to fight for that kind of space. And no, it’s not selfish. If you want to lead people with something other than your ego, then you require it.
You deserve our gratitude. The world may not be leading you to slow down, look inward, or cultivate a deeper level of presence – but the world has never needed it more. Every time you connect to your true emotions or try to look into someone else’s heart, you are practicing a form of presence that promotes understanding and disrupts violence. Every time you stop to pray or meditate, refuse to skip that walk outside, or turn that device OFF, you are giving a gift to every person in your orbit.
So please, keep fighting the good fight. And if you are even attempting this inner-work, then god bless you. And thank you. We are with you.
