Feeling judgmental?

For most of my career, I was a judgment specialist.  I equated leadership, in large part, to judging … labeling something or someone as not good enough.  Pushing.  Correcting.  I did a lot of judging and also nurtured the judgmental instincts in others.

Here’s what I’ve come to understand about judgment: when we feel judgment, it just means we’re missing something.  We’re not seeing the whole picture. 

I want to clarify that I’m NOT talking about discernment.  I’m not trying to criticize a leader’s ability to analyze and deduce and identify challenges.  I’m talking about emotional-laden judgment.  Indignation.  Good old fashioned scorn.  

Discernment requires curiosity.  The deep desire to understand what’s really happening and to see things as they are.  We can discern really important things about why something is happening, or what’s working vs. not working, without slipping into judgment.  

Judgment is the enemy of curiosity.  When we’re experiencing the emotional reaction of judgment, we’re telling ourselves a story about someone or something’s inferiority or inherent wrongness.  It usually pushes us to take sides or take action.  It tends to squash curiosity.  

Here’s what I’ve come to believe that makes it nearly impossible to judge.  There’s nothing about my soul that is superior (or inferior) to someone else’s.  Meaning, at the deepest levels, I’m not better (or worse) than anyone.  In fact, I could look at any human being on earth and know that – if I had lived their life in their body – I’d probably be doing what they’re doing right now.  

So, if I am judging them … what am I judging exactly?  

Of course, I do still catch myself judging people.  I can’t help it.  But at least now, when I’m aware of that feeling, I can step back and see it for what it is.  It’s just a sign telling me that I’m not seeing or understanding something about that person and their experience.  And I have the chance to stop telling myself a story about their inferiority, and get curious instead.  In the end, I usually learn something about myself and my own misunderstanding.

What does this mean for leaders?  That we just accept everyone and everything?  That no one is ever criticized, held accountable, or even removed from a position?  Of course not.  Lack of judgment doesn’t mean we approve or endorse what we see happening.  A leader can discern when something is not working out – and can even make a really hard decision – without needing to have judgment and indignation in their heart.  We can let someone go without telling ourselves a story that they are deficient or broken in some way.  Maybe they are the way they should be – the way YOU would be if you lived their life in their body – it’s just that the way they are right now is not a match for what is needed from their current role.  

And that not only crowds out room for judgment, it creates room for something ultimately more powerful:  empathy and understanding.